There is a walkway linking two major buildings where I work. On the way to run what seem like frivolous errands I pass through the waiting rooms for oncology. There are several different waiting rooms, including surgical and clinical. These are all cancer patients. A numbing, humbling effect is caused by the realization that as I see only see these people in passing; they share an unwanted common ground. This place which is on my way, is there destination.

Suddenly, my Christmas errands seem mundane. I expect all they would want for The holiday is to be cancer free, to be without pain, and not to worry about their lifespan or what the next round of tests may show.

I see bumper stickers that encourage us to put Christ back in Christmas. As a whole we have been led to believe the most important thing about major holidays is showing your love through gifts. It would be dangerous for retail economy, but would do wonders for our souls to recognize the gifts and blessings we already have... our health, family, shelter,
& food to eat.
This holiday season I wish you the gift of realizing how blessed you are, regardless of any setbacks.

Growing Up

So I'm in an elite group of friends that I have had for over 15 years.  Kind of like a club, lodge, social organization.  They have come to be very important to me over my lifetime. The older I get the more less important they are becoming.  I would never "denounce" the organization, but I think I'm getting tired.  I no longer want to attend our yearly "sister" meetings.
Have I finally outgrown things that seemed so important in the past. Actually, I think I harbor a bit of resentment for feeling like no one reached out to me at a particularly difficult time. Mathematically, someone should have been able to share my feelings or circumstances. I used to look forward to updates. Now I'm non-existent on social networking sites.  I don't even send holiday greetings in texts. I think my worst fears are happening....I'm becoming a grown-up.
I don't have any inclination to share any theoretic news. No wedding, baby, holiday, news or photo updates.  Not that I've gotten married or had a baby. So maybe just the holiday and everyday news.
It may sound incidental but an organization that I've pledged allegiance to, that family members have followed in my footsteps and joined, that I once led an local chapter, and of which I have more than a couple tattoos:) I still love it.  Well maybe I'm just putting it in perspective and I like it, and I have love for the people in it. I just don't want to be around them as much. I really am an only child and don't actually have other "sisters"...

Does this work

saving my sanity

I need these words to save my sanity.

Everyday it seems to slip away more and more.

Constantly in search of peace of mind.

Can it be as easy as to forget,

to embrace indifference,

to go deaf,

maybe blind, 

or 

to just write...

Wishful Thinking

it really is true that you should be careful of what you wish for. I once heard a joke that went...
How do you make God laugh?
-You tell Him all of YOUR plans.

At times I feel as though I am in an episode of the twilight zone. And things are never what they seem. As though I have made all these elaborate plans, just to find out you cannot have all the things you want. Something must give.
I return to my daydreams and recognize that they may include too many people. Maybe I am even all by myself. Not "alone" or "lonely" but just lone.

Random Thoughts

The great thing about words is that they can be deleted with a few keystrokes, and be written again.
Any previous thoughts or feelings only represent that one time in a life. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thank God for tomorrow.

As I grow older I have come to appreciate a variety of cultures. It amazes me that people can go their whole lives without learning about the world outside their doors. I am not well travelled, but I look forward to traveling, when given the opportunity I inquire about the customs of others.

This digital age has afforded us the luxury of crossing oceans and seas without leaving our living room. I welcome the chance to watch international movies and read books from across the globe.

Any and all recommendations are welcome!